"I didn't choose to have an eating disorder" - read Rylee's story of her journey with anorexia and why she's speaking out

By Rylee McKinlay

Three years ago, my world was turned upside down. I became ill with a disorder that has, by far, the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Anorexia Nervosa (AN) isn't always obvious to those around you, although sometimes they can see the bony frame and sunken eyes. The disease lives in your mind long before the physical symptoms show. It's a quiet battle every minute of every day, and it hijacks every aspect of your life.

My journey with AN made me aware of the estimated 45,000 people in Canada who suffer from an eating disorder. Due to stigma and lack of education around eating disorders in our society, it is extremely difficult for many sufferers to come forward and get help. Families feel terrified; finding the right support isn't easy. As my health improved, it became increasingly important to me to share my story. How can we help to increase the understanding of this devastating, relentless illness, if those of us with experience don't step forward?

Last year, I decided to share my story with my entire high school. Their accepting, caring response encouraged me to continue, so I started speaking at other events about eating disorder awareness, treatment and prevention. Now that it is Eating Disorders Awareness Week in Canada (Feb 1 to 7) and the US (Feb 21 to 28),  I am sharing the video of the speech I did at Princess Margaret Secondary School in Penticton BC in the hope it may help link others to important resources in BC and Canada.

We have to help others understand that an eating disorder is not a choice, trend or call for attention; but a severe mental illness.  Statistics show that some 15 per cent of individuals with EDs eventually die as a direct result of their disorder.

My story started at age 14 when I started to over-exercise and restrict my food intake.  I wasn't happy with my changing body. Underlying the start of ED is often low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and perfectionism, on top of a genetic tendency.  In retrospect, I was affected by all of these. By the time I was 15 I was so obsessed with food restriction and exercise that it occupied almost every waking minute of my life.  I began to lose a lot of weight. At first it felt powerful, then it felt overwhelming and out of control. I could not stop. Starvation does all sorts of nasty things to your brain and your body, cannibalizing muscle tissue, altering electrolytes, and distorting reality and rational thought.  I was caught in the eating disorder's destructive spiral.

When I was at my sickest, my heart rate was so low that I was at risk of dying of a heart attack at any moment. I spent some time on the cardiac ward of BC Children's Hospital to stabilize me before I could even start treatment for my eating disorder. Then I was in Children's Hospital on their Eating Disorders Unit for another eight weeks.

With the help of my loving family, the amazing staff at BC Children's Hospital, and community supports, I have come through the worst of it.  I know the journey is not over. Eating disorders can take years to cure, and for some there is the constant danger of relapsing, especially under times of stress. 

But there is hope for recovery, and I am proof for that. I am now 19, teaching yoga and doing well in university. I am healthy.

Recovery is enhanced by telling and sharing our stories and raising awareness about this insidious disorder.

Helping me with this is my role as a youth rep on the South Okanagan Local Action Team, for the Child and Youth Mental Health and Substance Use Collaborative. The Collaborative is a Doctors of BC/Ministry of Health initiative to improve awareness, access and treatment for children, youth and families struggling with mental health conditions in BC.  

For more resources see www.keltyeatingdisorders.ca and nedic.ca (National Eating Disorders Information Centre)